Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I could be the only one in the world that deals with this, but I doubt it.

For all the other married chicks out there... Anytime you have a conversation with a dude and he finds out you're married, does that kill the conversation and any future possibility of conversation or even *gasp* friendship almost immediately? Does this same phenomenon occur if you're not married, but in a relationship?
For all the dudes out there, married, divorced, in a relationship, single, whatever... Do you really ALWAYS think we were interested in you like *that* in the first place??

This is something that has truly pissed me off from the first time it happened to me. You see, I've always gotten along well with guys. I was raised around guys, I have a "guy" sense of humor, and things are generally more relaxed and goofy with guys than it is with girls. (Of course, this is by NO MEANS a blanket statement applying to all females--I've got some seriously awesome girl friends--they know who they are!!--who aren't all-gossip-no-goofballing, and I value those friendships probably more than they'll ever know.) And it's not what you might think--I'm not the super-flirty chick that hangs around guys for attention. Trust me, I know the difference. In fact, I didn't have a lot of boyfriends growing up because I was always considered "one of the guys." I was always someone they joked around with, not someone they'd seriously consider dating. So that's where I'm coming from with all this.

This is why it hurts and makes me absolutely furious when someone I've been joking around with now has nothing to do with me, and won't even hardly look at me. It's not like I was looking for a new best friend or anything, but what the hell?! All the sudden, since you know there's no chance of fucking me, I'm not worthy of your time, even a "Hey, how's it going?" Honey, there was no chance of that in the first place. And I have a HUSBAND, not THE PLAGUE. I'm sure "marriage" isn't going to rub off on you if you stand too close to a cool freakin' chick (if I do say so myself!) who happens to be married.

This just really makes me re-think my defense of guys and their sometimes douchecanoe-y behavior. It really seems to prove that guys and girls really can't be friends, but cheese-and-rice don't people usually at least make an effort to not make it so damn obvious what's going on?

Hey man, we work at the same place. We're gonna see each other occasionally. You think I'm not gonna remember the way you just treated me? Fuck you. I'm a human being, not a target for you to try and aim your dick at.

I'm tired of this shit. And everyone there still keeps on wondering why I'm so quiet, why I never fucking smile, why I'm not appearing to be absolutely fucking thrilled to be there. Guess what? Even though I am dealing with some serious depression right now... I smile a lot. I talk a lot. I joke around a lot. I laugh a lot. Ask *anyone* who knows me. You're just not worthy of it anymore.

I think I'll start opening conversations with new people--guys, anyway--with "Hi! I'm [actual name here]. I'm married. Go ahead and pretend you never spoke to me now, since I'm pretty sure that's how this works." Then I'll walk away, so I don't get pissed to see them do it first. Otherwise, they might try to laugh it off and pretend that wasn't going to be the case... But then that'll still end up being the only conversation we have.

But some part of me still feels like that's a bunch of bullshit. How the hell am I supposed to handle this kind of thing?? I am totally *flabbergasted* by this. Am I doing something wrong? I've never been one to hide behind the husband, using him as an excuse to not have to meet and deal with obnoxious people. Although I prefer someone else initiating conversations, I really do like meeting or just talking to people, even if it really doesn't seem like it. Am I taking it too personally? Never mind, I know I am, but it seems impossible for me to just let it go. Please help! What am I supposed to do in these situations?


  1. Hello, my ZB.

    Our high school principal would sum this up in three words and she did so quite often...
    Men. Are. Pigs. It became a running joke and she never meant for us to take it to heart. You have a divine, innate, and basic right to stand up and be counted for in a fair, decent, and respectful manner. What the hell happened to chivalry. I'm pretty sure a chivalrous upstanding gentleman with polite courteous manners and wit could get laid a hell of a lot faster than this jerk EVER could.You have every right to be offended, but take caution that you do not lose yourself along the way. Be my role model. Damn the little peon but remember that you are a phenomenal person who deserves to have the world on a string. Get angry, vent and wallow, accept, move on.

    If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.- Moshe Dayan

    Treat my friend like that again and I will mentally castrate you, jack hole, until you whimper while lying in the fetal position among your own feces and bile.-MAL

    That being said, I am glad that you have found an outlet and look forward to many more.

  2. I have blogged a response... go read it. *hugs*


  3. You make me smile! And yes, this happens to girls who have boyfriends too. At least they don't say something like, "well he doesn't have to know" when you say that's you're taken. How disrespectful is that?! Or, "bet i'm better than he is." I've just told you I have a boyfriend (because YOU asked), and then you say something that lets me know that you never really even cared if I had a boyfriend, you just wanted to know how much harder it would be to get in my pants (not that THAT was going to happen anyway). I think I would prefer the awkward silence to the blatant disrespect, although opting for a third choice, say.........friendship!, would be my preference.

    Anyway, thanks for bringing up something that has irritated the hell out of me for years :)

  4. This comment is full of "win" and I adore it. Thank you for that!

  5. I have read it and commented over there as well, but just thought I'd give you a shout-out over here... Thanks, that was awesome. You rock. And you rock *hard*.

  6. *grins* Sorry if it dragged up any irritating memories! And I totally know what you mean with the disrespectful comments being awful, too. And really, shouldn't friendship always be the preference? It's sad that we even have to actually specify that. As my wonderful first commenter said, whatever happened to chivalry and courtesy!