Friday, March 11, 2011

*CLUNK* "What was that noise?" "Oh, my jaw just hit the floor. Then my eyes rolled back and I passed out from terror."

Have just been reading about the oh-so-wonderful hCG diet. You know, the one where you inject yourself daily with human choriogonadotropin. This is a hormone found only in pregnant women, allowing them to move excess fat to the fetus, so that it will have enough in the event that the mother doesn't take in enough nutrients to adequately support fetal growth during the pregnancy.

Since it only affects those troublesome areas of belly, thighs, hips, and booty (because those are areas where excess fat isn't physically necessary, but tends to pile up much to the chagrin of millions of men and women worldwide), once the lucky dieter has melted off those pounds, they become "immune" to the treatment and must wait about six weeks for it to fully cycle out of their system before starting another round. Of course more than three or four cycles of "treatment" aren't recommended. In theory, they shouldn't be necessary, because it is supposed to keep the weight off... just like every other diet claims to do. Some of the side effects may be headaches, increased risks of blood clots, restlessness, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (which is potentially life-threatening), and depression. Also, not-surprisingly, one might experience symptoms commonly experienced during pregnancy. Oh, and PREGNANCY can also be an unfortunate side effect, since although the FDA hasn't approved this for dieting purposes (here's hoping that move isn't made anytime soon!), they HAVE approved hCG as a fertility drug. So *there* people trying to lose massive amounts of weight through bad decision-making. Your bad decision could lead to the need for healthy weight gain.

Did I forget to mention the part about... ? Yep. Knew I was forgetting something. And it's a good one, too. You're going to love it. YOU'RE ONLY ALLOWED TO EAT 500 CALORIES A DAY. Of course nobody on a diet would ever admit to experiencing hunger pangs, so apparently they're not bothered by this after the first few days. Please see this helpful guide for tips straight from the horse's mouth (that is, the mouth of Dr. Simeons, who established the "diet regimen" in the 1950s): ...And start at page 6 for the real wow factor. Please, please PLEASE note that I am very much against this diet, and am providing this link for entertainment purposes only. If the sarcasm and incredulous nature of the post thus far has not come through, I sincerely apologize. On my end of the computer, I feel like my eyes are about to pop out from shaking my head so much with sheer amazement. People truly amaze me with the dangerous lengths they will go to to lose weight. Not to mention that the shots can cost about $10 apiece, and the "consultation" visits. If you use that website, you can get a 30-day supply for $89.95, in drop form rather than injection; $69.99 for the supplement that provides energy, works as an appetite suppressant, and naturally is good for stress relief as well. Then there's the box containing twelve 30 gram packets of "meal replacement powder" for $39.99. How many of those do you think you'd need? This *basic* package would run you a total of almost $200, but one might also choose a 60-day supply (note: they do not recommend being on the "diet" for more than about 40 days in a "treatment") for a meager $159.95. Besides, think of all the money you're saving on food! Come on now, that's a deal! *stabs self in eye*

Alright people, this is ridiculous. Apparently this diet has made a dramatic resurgence in popularity, they're giving these injections in all kinds of places. Or they're neatly avoiding potential medical career suicide by showing dieters how to do the injections themselves, even that first injection. Even if this "diet" tricks your body into thinking it's all cool, limiting yourself to 500 calories a day is astonishing in its ignorance. At that rate, as many others on the interwebs have said, whatever you're shooting yourself up with doesn't matter. However, the upside is that they don't exactly recommend exercise with this particular diet... Gee. Wonder why? Dizziness?  Pssh. Obviously anyone not expecting dizziness during exercise when you're only ingesting 500 calories a day just isn't serious about their diet. They should probably stop.

No, seriously. Please.    


No comments :

Post a Comment