Monday, March 5, 2012

Drunk ninjas at midnight.

It had been a long day. My ability to sleep has been shoddy at best recently, and I knew I had to get up super-freakin' early the next day. I left work early, and called The Hubby to let him know that I was on my way home but needed to get something quick to eat and go straight to bed, because I'd be getting up at 4am. Usually we roll on into bed around 1 or 2... So I knew it was going to be bad. I got home a little after 9, and after eating and settling down some it was around 10 or 10:30 when I was finally able to try and get to sleep. A couple hours later, I was finally starting to fall asleep.


At first I thought it was one of the cats, somehow. You know how when they're scratching themselves sometimes on the down-stroke their foot slams against whatever they're sitting on? Repeatedly? Every damn time, as if they have no concept of self-control or force? Then I heard the thud of a cat landing on the floor, followed by claws scratching against the kitchen floor as she bolted into the bedroom. Damn Jugga. I was a little startled, but I wouldn't have thought anything of it if hadn't been for other kitty The Pants at the foot of the bed suddenly going on alert. Then I heard the banging again, and The Pants started growling, since she's our alarm system.

Someone was at the door. At 1 am. Aside from my tendency to not answer doors being knocked on by people who didn't show the courtesy of calling first, I was aggravated because of all nights it had to be this night. There wasn't a single person I could think of that would be knocking on our door at that hour without having called us first. And if it had been the police for some reason, they would have announced themselves. At least they should according to television and movies. So my plan was to ignore them until they went away. (It's always worked before.)

Unfortunately, they didn't get the memo and kept knocking. I nudged The Hubby awake, and went to look out the window to see if there was a vehicle out there. There wasn't, so no clues there. And the knocking still hadn't stopped--we weren't going to be able to just ignore this person. Finally, The Hubby goes to answer the door. I stayed huddled on the bed, cell phone in hand, ready to call 911 if necessary. I hear the door open, and then this guy starts talking and won't stop.

I couldn't hear it very well, not being in the same room, but what I did hear alternated between mumbled slurring and clear moments of the utmost sincerity.

"Hey man, mumble mumble mumble I just live right over there, and I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need anything, anything, I'm here for ya. Mumble mumble mumble. I really am a good person, and I just like to help people all the time. I'm always willing to help anybody."  There was more mumbling, and a lot of repetition, and at one point I heard "I'm so sorry, man, I'm not trying to make you mad or anything... Yeah, it is kinda late... But I just wanted you to know..." And more of the same a couple more times. Finally The Hubby comes back in, saying "He's so drunk. He kept pointing and saying he lived right over there, his eye was all busted up, and he kept trying to shake my hand."

Then the fun continued as we tried to figure out where the hell this guy disappeared to. There wasn't a vehicle around, so he wasn't driving (definitely for the best), but still... The Hubby looked out all the windows, trying to see where he had gone. But apparently he had just dropped off the face of the earth. We couldn't see him anywhere. I thought to myself, "Dear Cheezits, clearly he's a drunk ninja." The Hubby kept making a circuit of all the windows, and we were both wide awake. At 1:30 in the morning.

I tried so hard to get to sleep, and he decided to stay up for a little longer. I listened to the shower running, and eventually dozed off. Then I felt something hit and then touch my toes--The Hubby had kicked my foot on accident when he climbed back into bed, and thinking it was a cat he had reached down to make sure it was okay. I eventually dozed off again.

When my alarm went off at 4, I could have screamed. Thanks to a drunk ninja, I turned into a zombie for a day.


  1. Thank you, once again, for making me smile when I need it .... ♥ you.

  2. You're very welcome. :) <3 you too!

  3. Seriously. All the weird random happens to you honey. I always get stupid random. Lou gets drunken random, but you ALWAYS get weird random.

  4. You know it... The "Did that really just happen, or am I losing my mind?" kind of random. Just like with drunk and stupid random, you can't help remembering that reality is in fact stranger than fiction. And infinitely more entertaining!