On confidence.

Sometimes I think my greatest accomplishment in life so far has been making the majority of people around me believe that I'm much more "together" and able to do things than I actually am.

It always amazes me when someone gives me a task, wants me around, or just leaves me to fend for myself, saying "I know you can handle it, and that you'll do a good job." (And trust me, I know the difference between someone honestly meaning it and someone trying to get out of doing something.) I feel like I *never* know what the hell I'm doing, but I try to be a good sport about it, I guess...

My method is to either behave with total smiling confidence ("Never let 'em see you sweat, kid!") or joking, apologetic, over-exaggerated self-deprecation. Oddly enough, both methods are generally received in the same manner--smiles and acceptance of me. Granted, I know that sometimes people are lying through their teeth when they force out a "You're doing just fine! I don't hate you!", but I also know when that is happening and can handle it. Even when I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I know I'm going to try my best. Even if I've noticed I don't really even have to try my best for people to believe I am. Still, I do my best (...most of the time), because I'm also horrid at getting away with anything. I spent most of my childhood not even trying to get away with misbehavior, because no matter what I always got caught. I also spent most of my childhood terrified of my mother, because she's just that good.

In any case, my theory is that confidence (not the arrogant or cocky kind of confidence, either) and a strong sense of humor can take you a long way, even when deep down (or even just below the surface...) you're absolutely panic-stricken. Because in reality, most people are too wrapped up in their own fear of their own inadequacies being discovered to look below the surface to search out yours. And confidence is something that if you fake it enough, it may eventually sink in a little. Before you know it, when you know someone has tried to get the best of you, that confidence coupled with the aforementioned sense of humor keeps it from ever getting close to causing too much damage.



*coughs* ...Says the chick taking anti-depressants (but taking anti-depressants confidently, with panache).